Bad life choices!

Recently I've gotten into a disgustingly bad sleeping pattern. And what I've found amazing, but not too surprising, is the extent to which it effects my life. It's currently 3am and this is the usual time I've been finding myself awake, after hours of feeling guilty that I probably should be asleep, not in bed but actually asleep. Don't get me wrong, this is in no way a rebellion type of thing, and there is no clever and justifiable reason as to why I find myself in this silly situation, it just happens. 

Ironically, today (well yesterday now, another example of it being too late to be awake!) I put up a video about getting clear skin naturally without too much hassle. Now this is a strong piece of evidence of how you should 'do as I say not as I do' because I've found spots slowly creeping up on me these past few days. In the video I mention about sleep being an integral aspect to having clear skin and at the moment it's like every time I look into a mirror my spots are just there subtly reminding me of all my current bad life choices. It always used to annoy me when I was little and felt ill (or was just being a drama queen and hypochondriac) when my dad would always just tell me to go to sleep. There was next to no sympathy, although I know that his advice was perfectly legitimate and from a place of love but it never pleased me at the time but sleep really does fix most things!

I'm not going to sleep late either because I don't enjoy sleeping, my whole body clock just shifts so I wake up mid-afternoon everyday, be rest assured sleeping is one of my all time favourite things to do. But the quality of sleep is much less when you go to sleep later and I've certainly felt this in my over-all well being. I've been beyond lethargic, lazy and un-motivated over these past few days. I've hardly done anything, despite the prior plans I'd set myself to get done before college. As I said, my skin has just been dreadful in comparison to what it was and from the lack of caring I've consequently eaten awfully too. My mentality has shifted to an over-all more negative frame of mind, nothing quite seems so bright and cheery as it did before, haha I really feel like I'm taking you to a deep and dark place but hopefully it will convince you not to follow in my bad footsteps! 

So all in all I'm certainly aware that there are no positives to come from this current arrangement that I've got going on. But, I've got my induction for college early tomorrow (that will be a fair shock to the system) and I start properly next Monday. I know that the best way to get out of these awful habits is to force yourself into a situation that means you have to change it, if you've got bad willpower like myself. I'm hoping that all the plans that I'd made for this blog and for my YouTube will come into place a bit more when college commences and when hopefully all of my motivation returns!

Let me know if you ever find yourself getting into bad habits like this!

love, bean xx

Going to School & Home Education

Sadly it's that time of year again. For children from the UK September is the month that is the start of a new academic year. For some this means a fabulous prospect full of new beginnings but for others, it just means another dreaded year of getting up early. I was an early dropout of the schooling system, leaving at 15, deciding that I could probably do a better job then my teachers at preparing myself for my exams (there were, of course, other reasons too may I add!). It just so happened that teaching myself opened up many doors of opportunity and it enabled me to have my first proper taste of what the performing industry was like too in the big wide world. It's safe to say, I learnt a lot from teaching myself but I equally learnt as much before, when I'd gone to 8 schools altogether, I was certainly never 'deprived' of the school experience! 

The 8 schools varied greatly for me, each one teaching me different lessons - the majority of the lessons being of course outside the classroom. I think the problems I found at school were usually about fitting in whilst remaining true to who I am. I was interested in quite a few different types of things then the majority of other people, veganism being a prime example, and conforming to fit in and forget these interests was never my strong point. The other aspect I struggled with at school was that it wasn't until much later on that I found out that I'm dyslexic. This gave me a much stronger understanding of how my brain tends to work in a different way to other people, and how it also effects the best ways for me to learn. So when I taught myself I was able to plan it all in a way that was specific to the best way in which I learn. 

In retrospect I suppose I could have stayed at some of the schools for longer then my average of about 18 months, but I never regret it because from each school I learnt invaluable things about myself. There are so many things to say about the topic of school because it's a time of so much growth and self-discovery. You go through puberty, have the stress of sitting exams all whilst trying to balance your hobbies and friends as-well. It's a very demanding time filled with a lot of expectations and I don't believe that anybody goes through school without copious difficulties along the way. At the time it can feel like the be all and end all and that you're the only person in the entire world feeling how you're feeling but this just isn't the case. I now see that there's much more to life then being one of the 'popular people' and getting the perfect grades!

I am now venturing back into conventional education (sort of) by going to college and doing a qualification in performing arts, I must admit I am slightly nervous because no matter how many times you put yourself into a completely new situation the initial nerves always seem to crop up. I'm hoping that due to there being a big similarity between us all, in the sense that we all love performing, that it will be easier in terms of friends then in school but only time will tell! The video, click on the picture below, is showing you my college morning routine, it was pretty much the same when I was at school (the majority of the products I use are vegan). Feel free to let me know how you found/are finding being at school!

Love, bean xx

Are we really the intelligent ones?

When I look around nowadays, irrelevant of where I may be, I see people who are trying to give themselves a purpose. When young we are taught it's a vital thing to do, from being a toddler we're asked ‘what do you want to do when you're older?'. I walked around a city this afternoon for 3 hours just observing; mobiles, suits, rushing around, everything and everyone looked so serious. But if everything were to be stripped back, hypothetically you weren't able to recall anything prior to this moment, what would you be left with? Primarily you are simply left with your body anything else like the makeup, clothes, relationships and jobs are just what you've decided to add to your life. These other additional factors we can survive without, but what about an integral organ such as your lungs? You can survive without your career but lungs are a vital part to your survival. Yet people smoke in hope of maintaining and balancing their stress levels to excel in their career. Effectively, people are willing to literally die for their jobs. Of course, this is only one scenario I could go on forever listing the different harmful things that people do to their bodies in order to keep these impermeable parts of their lives thriving. Fascinating; this is human behaviour.

Our one true responsibility I believe in life is to look after our bodies simply in order to keep on living, I wonder how many people out there sacrifice things to do this job justice? It’s probably a good thing that our heart doesn’t rely on us to consciously keep the blood pumping around our body. Evidence from observing other human decisions would suggest that we’d probably all be dead in days due to our bizarre priority lists. Soon to be mothers tend to be very cautious to not smoke or drink and to take in extra nutrients all in order to care for their growing foetus. Then the baby is born and everything normally goes back to how it was before for the new mother. And as we grow up and have to look after ourselves this care for our ever-growing bodies gets thrown out the window too.

If you were in a house on fire your instinct would probably be to run as far away as fast as possible from the life threatening circumstance. It’s our animal instinct. Actions such as smoking is actively and consciously walking into that burning building. It’s slower but it will inevitably harm your body and ultimately it’s a death sentence. I often think animals are the more intelligent creatures because they listen to their bodies, they're happy to feel what they’re feeling and they do things in their best interest to thrive and stay alive. Animals only eat the food that they were designed to eat. Although humans can digest meat if you look at our teeth, as an example, they aren’t similar to those of a true carnivore, they are blunt and good for nibbling on foods such as vegetables. We can survive on a 100% plant based diet but we cannot survive on a diet composed purely of just meat. Interesting… I hope that you aren’t one of these people I have spoken about in this post, I hope you're somebody who takes care to nourish your body everyday and respect it for all that it does for you.

love, bean xx

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Where's the big Vegan Community?

So here I am, it's god knows what hour in the morning but there is something on my mind. I'm currently trying to create a YouTube channel specifically for vegans and aspiring vegans to learn how to apply this lifestyle in the modern world. I want it to be for teenagers, and adults, who want to know things like what vegan makeup there is out there, what ready meals are available at supermarkets and how to have things like a vegan pamper evening. These are all scenarios which I think people need to have the answers to in one place instead of bits and bobs here there and everywhere. I think there are so many people who share the same vision which is good but instead of there being lots of different smaller groups I think to be great, and to share this message we believe in, that it is vital to unite.

It is really frustrating sitting here and realising that there doesn't seem to be a spokesperson, a personality driving this force to bring together what I think is a huge community of people who currently don't seem to be interacting with each-other, at least not to their full potential. I reckon if the general population knew how to apply this lifestyle in a realistic way, not just knowing why they should do it (for example what PETA offers), then lots more people would be content with making that shift to 'veganism'. But I am beginning to see that it's going to take a lot of effort to initiate that push in bringing a whole lot of people from all the corners of the world together. How am I going to try and make that effort in beginning that driving force? I have no idea. But I'm ready to do it. 

love, bean xx

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Urban Decay Makeup

My most recent purchase has to be one of my favourite vegan finds in a long while, and that's saying something considering the luck I've had in finding some incredible brands and products. It was my first visit not so long ago to the beauty range 'Urban Decay', I was intrigued by their ethos and aims when I was having a good old browse on the Internet and following a quick visit on their American website I knew my only choice was to try and find a store and see the makeup in person. Luckily both 'House of Fraser' and 'Debenhams' stock them so it was pretty easy in the UK (and from what I can tell in most countries) to find a store near me.



Perhaps I got lucky but the shop assistant who served me was just so lovely! She does a lot of work in the middle east for Urban Decay and had a good history with the company so was able to readily give me some more detailed information about the brand. In each store they have a handbook type thing which for a vegan is absolutely golden, it is filled with all sorts of factual wonders such as a list of all their products with ticks stating which of their products are vegan, gluten free, etc.



They do absolutely no animal testing and the majority of their products are vegan. For example not all of their mascaras are vegan but they do have one which is, however all of their foundations are vegan. Not only is Urban Decay perfect for accessibility purposes due to there being stores located everywhere but their makeup is genuinely incredible! I think their range of colours and products is impeccable, it means that it is totally down to your own individual style and preferences, there are no limited choices just because you don't want to harm any animals in the process of putting on your makeup! Their 'Naked Eyeshadow Palette' is the biggest selling eyeshadow palette worldwide which is partly due to how pigmented their eye shadows are and the fact that they last all day long.

''Beauty with an Edge''

Another thing I love about this brand is that it has always been their aim to be free from cruelty and they are constantly developing their products to be vegan while maintaining their quality. Of course few things in life are perfect so it isn't altogether surprising that even this wonder brand has faults for example, their parent company isn't cruelty free. However, there are so many positives about this company that I don't really want to get too picky and let some of these details detract from what I love about this brand. Another slight downfall is their prices too, however I think they are definitely worth investing in due to the reviews I've read on how long the products last as well as their amazing results. After all, I believe it's all about quality not quantity.

I am going to do a review on the Vegan eyeshadows that I brought in the very near future and I shall also incorporate them into a makeup look on my YouTube Channel. I think Urban Decay is well worth a look into, it is getting so easy to make the transitions over to vegan makeup but I just don't think this company promotes what they have to offer for the vegan community well enough for people to be aware. However, have a look online for a store near you and just check them out; even if nothing takes your fancy (which I highly doubt!) you may end up, like me, having a riveting conversation for ages with the lovely shop assistants they have!

Love, bean xx

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Now is the only time

Tiredness, stress, anger, death; recently I have felt so overwhelmed by these negative things that seem to try and take over my life, perhaps to an extent I've also been ignorant and not accepted the power they can have on your life if you allow them. As of late in the news there have been far too many articles for my comfort about young people tragically dying, due to both self-inflicted and natural causes. No cause of death makes it, for me, any less heart-breaking when you can see the masses of potential that these youngsters had. I think it also hits home pretty hard as I, like many others, am at a cross road in my life where I’m choosing the direction that I want to take, a decision that determines so much, not only for me but potentially for others too. In retrospect I see how self-absorbed I’ve been in my tedious everyday actions, forgetting to actually start living and appreciating each moment I'm gifted with.

I was in a fair amount of shock last night when I hear the news that a 13 year old girl called Talia had died, whose outlook on life had and will continue to teach me so much about what constitutes to real living. She was fighting cancer for 6 years yet she had hundreds of thousands of people subscribed to her on YouTube, and reached out to even more, inspiring so many to be a little happier and worry a little less. She inspired me personally in so many ways and the thing that hurt me the most about hearing of her death is that there was so much that I wanted to continue to learn from her. She accepted her situation, she wasn’t afraid to show how she was feeling and she did what made her truly happy. Need I say much more about this wonderful person? Ellen Degeneres was right when she described her as having an 'old soul'. I believe that she took her life firmly in both hands and ran with it, letting nothing slow her down. At 13 she had achieved more than most do in a lifetime because she was motivated and wasn’t going to let her personal demon, cancer, stand in her way, which would have been a much better excuse then most to not want to fight and achieve as much as they can. 

When I watched her videos it often made me feel so silly about myself because I'd been worrying and letting myself get upset about the most tedious of things yet she was teaching others incredible lessons. For instance, accepting your situation and the truth but not letting it dominate your life and instead highlighting the things that you do like, for her it was through the means of showing her bald head yet wearing makeup and showing off her favourite features of her face. This in itself makes me want to fight, I want to fight against my natural instinct of letting other people and the little voice in my head influence how much I achieve. I have a fair amount of dreams and I feel, even just in honour to Talia, that I should try my hardest to make sure that they come true. Recognise what it is that you want to achieve then run with it, don’t ever look back just keep on going. The second you stop and try to apply conventional logic then may lose the true wild spirit that it takes to achieve the most extravagant of aspirations.

Love, bean xx

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A Genuine Smile

I was on the train making my way to Glasgow and my head was pretty full with irrelevant worries which as the train progressed, through increasingly more beautiful countryside, seemed to gradually slip away. At one moment all I could see was fields which stretched for miles, slightly resembling a patchwork blanket consisting of hundreds of different shades of green. The next minute the train was surrounded by hills, with sparse white dots scattered across them. I think it's safe to say that the bliss scenery was a pretty big factor in helping me get lost away from my thoughts.

However, something much smaller caught my eye throughout the journey. A minor little detail, I may have been the only person to notice, but a woman was sat in the corner just taking in her surroundings yet there was something so pleasant about her. At first I couldn't quite put my finger on what it was about her that captured my attention to such a degree, whatever it was it made me want to just sit down with her over a brew. Yet she was just an ordinary woman. After a while had passed I figured that the part about her that was so inviting it was her most infectious smile. Once I was conscious of it I couldn't then help it, she'd passed on the disease to me. There was no way I couldn't not smile about somebody who just seemed to be so content with life, making everything seem simple. 

She could have been going through something awful, her life could have been the biggest mess imaginable but you'd never have guessed it due to the genuine smile painted across her face. For me, it was inspiring. I couldn't believe the difference it made to my mood almost instantaneously, I was absolutely intrigued by her friendly and calm disposition. It got me thinking what a difference it could make if everybody incorporated that simple gesture into their lives. We have little control over the majority of things in our life, ultimately we just have to go with the flow, but this is something that anybody and everybody can do. 

It's simple and in the grand scheme of things it's probably towards the bottom end of most people's priority list. But we just don't know how it could change somebodies day, like it did to me. And after a while you may even find it turns into a bit of a habit which helps you in creating an overall happier mentality. A genuine smile, who knew something free and so in-elaborate could make such an impact on a person's day.   

Love, bean xx

''Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.''

-Leo Buscaglia 

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10... Vegan Celebrities

I want to do a small and simple segment on this blog of lists of 10. The lists will cover a range of topics, starting with celebrities! 

1. Russell Brand
2. Ellen DeGeneres
3. Kristen Bell
4. Bill Clinton
5. Emily Deschanel
6. Avril Lavigne
7. Jason Mraz
8. Michelle Pfeiffer
9. Brad Pitt
10. Ben Stiller

love, bean xx

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Souls

Death puts everything into perspective. It shows us the true meaning of life. I believe the true meaning of life to be love. Love is shown through our souls, nothing to do with out exterior selves and appearance. It speaks beyond our trials and tasks of every day living and represents us as beings which defines who we are beyond the point of death. The best people who have ever walked this earth, of which there have been many, have always shined from the inside out with love and continue to do so after passing.

I have recently been privileged with having a soul connection with a fellow earthling. This means that our relationship and friendship was made out of the purest thing. Love. The body of this soul was physically taken away from me. The signs had been there for days that this was going to happen but they were so subtle that I was blissfully unaware. Which meant that I lived, I lived in the present moment with my friend, which was what was meant to be - it was the universe's intentions. When this body was taken from me physically I thought all was lost. That this connection we had had gone forever. How I was wrong. What the universe quickly informed me of was that a soul connection lives on forever. Love conquers all, including life.

What I had to quickly learn for the first time was that physically we all go and leave this earth as earthlings, but our souls live on forever. How glad I was to be enlightened with this knowledge so soon after the parting of my dear friend, that our bodies do not define us but our souls do. After learning this I have realised that it is essential to let our souls speak for themeselves and let them define who we are whilst on earth. They are the only eternal aspect of who we are. When we are at peace with our souls we can then begin to accept others for who they really are as we have accepted ourselves. This is a connection of souls, and this is how me and my pal became souls mates, we accepted each other because of our spirits and allowed one another to shine, from the inside out.

After realising this suddenly my wails and screams for the return of my friend were meaningless. My friend was, and still is, with me. I realised that the universe had connected our two souls and that I was going to grow with my friend always, whether I liked it or not. I went beyond the grief and feelings of physically losing something dear to my heart and realised that the true gift of this friend hadn't been taken away from me.

I have been blessed with a soul mate. I will physically miss my pal everyday, thinking always of what she would do in each circumstance that I would have experienced with her. But I have no regrets, only occasional feelings of sorrow. No, everything that happens is meant to be. This is why the universe let me be with her till the very end. I was the only earthling to watch the last breaths of this beautiful earthling, the peace she possessed was an image I will carry forever. It changed the meaning of death for me. When an earthling is at peace with their soul it makes death, in essence, a fairly peaceful thing. Her peaceful death was the universe letting me know that she will always be taken care of.

So, how do I react and what do I think if I am not going through the usual definition of grief of loss? I am thankful. Thankful that I had such a great time physically with a fellow earthling on this earth for a fairly substantial amount of time. Thankful that I was able to learn from this earthling and experience the love that she always radiated. But more importantly, thankful that our souls will go on living with each other, nourishing each other always.

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Picking your 'Path'

I could be considered as a moderately lost person at this stage in my life. I live a comfortable life in a nice house and am surrounded by people who care for me, yet I feel like I’m looking for something, something substantial, a part of me which will make my life more 'fulfilling'. In the form of an analogy the best way I can try and describe my current situation is by referring to life being like climbing a mountain. In order to climb the mountain it helps to find a decent path, some paths are steeper and more dangerous yet exciting whereas others are relatively safe and simple, depending on what type of person you are effects which type of path you choose. The point at which I’m at is not even being able to find the right path for me to start climbing. I’m not personally a ‘simple path' type of person because I know there is a route which is much harder but where the views will be so much more satisfactory. How do I know the views are worth it? I have absolutely no idea; instinct I suppose.

''No one saves us but ourselves. No one can and no one may. We ourselves must walk the path.''
-Buddha

Deciding big life choices is you mapping out your next stage of climbing the 'life mountain'. Whether it be what school you should go to or what the right career path is for you, deciding these questions normally begins with a time of self-reflection. A period of time, either un-consciously or fully planned, in which you decide what brings you true joy, the pros and cons and whether the pros outweigh the cons. There comes a point however, when you may just have to take the leap of faith; trust and believe that ‘whatever is meant to be will happen’ and go with your gut. For those people who don’t believe in fate this will be a pretty hard concept to accept, but I think if you don’t trust your instincts then sometimes you’ll just never move forward in life.

“If the problem can be solved why worry? If the problem cannot be solved worrying will do you no good.”
― Śāntideva

One of my biggest inspirations and a person whom I believe to have chosen an exceedingly interesting ‘path’ is Russell Brand. He seems to have carved his life into the most intricate piece of art. His life could be thought of as a fairly abstract piece of art, which is probably why so many have difficulty in understanding him. Perhaps his enthusiastic speeches get lost in translation and mask his true genius for some. But those who appreciate the depth and detail of his character as a work of art will agree with me that he is an inspiration for not leading a necessarily conventional  and conforming life. There are many who define him by his ‘mistakes’, there are tabloids going back years which are a constant and evidential reminder of his addictions and past flamboyant antics. But does a ‘moral relapse’ in one stage of your life really have to constitute in our modern society in earning him the permanent status of being a ‘failure’, constantly being defined by his former actions?

I digress, I believe that with every drug he took and every drink he drunk it was his own journey and his version of climbing up his ‘mountain of life’. And who are we to be the judge and deem whether we believe he should never have partaken in such activities? Ultimately it is those lessons which he learnt that has brought him to such an articulate and profound perception of his understanding of life. I really do believe his life has been like a breath taking work of art, I think he is an exceptional being, something I could only aspire to.

''It's difficult to believe in yourself because the idea of self is an artificial construction. You are, in fact, part of the glorious oneness of the universe. Everything beautiful in the world is within you.''
-Russell Brand

I’m a big believer that ‘life isn’t about the destination it’s about the journey’, so my philosophy is to do what makes you happy in this present moment and try not to dramatically worry about every minor consequence it may have. From one perspective we  could be considered as a collection of our past ‘mistakes’. They are an inevitable part of us which makes us human so learn from them and maybe try to enjoy them from time to time; perfection is an idea which can only really be defined in relative terms to each individual. It is a simple fact that you’ll never know what you like until you try things. Don’t be afraid to explore just because you may get something wrong and make a mistake. And try not to feel you have to necessarily conform and follow everybody up their path to save yourself from making a 'mistake' alone. Trust yourself and your mistakes so that you can go up your path at your own pace and in your own way.

''The one who follows the crowd will usually get no further than the crowd. The one who walks alone, is likely to find himself in places no one has ever been.''
Albert Einstein

 I recently came to the conclusion that if life is impermeable then we can only really trust (and enjoy) this present moment, nothing more and nothing less. Bar that, our life is ultimately a collection of our own memories, so what is so wrong in making the ride a little bit more interesting and entertaining. Ultimately you are the only one that has to live your life. I’m not saying it’s perfectly acceptable that the best idea is to go and be a reckless idiot, following the current popular trend of ‘YOlO’. However, I am saying to consider saying ‘yes’ a little bit more often and trusting yourself that mistakes aren’t the be all and end all. They could possibly be the factor that takes you up a different and more interesting path, the one that leads you to the better view. 

''To avoid situations in which you might make mistakes may be the biggest mistake of all.''

-Peter McWilliams
 
 

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(Please Note: I would want to write the equivalent of a dissertation on Russell Brand  as oppose to a couple of paragraphs but instead he will probably be a running theme throughout the course of my blogs. Check out his website here: http://www.russellbrand.tv/ If you know little about him   I will be talking lots about him. For the time being a  little fact I'll share is that we both do a form of meditation called Transcendental Meditation, he speaks about it  and supports it a lot for the David Lynch Foundation.)