Now is the only time

Tiredness, stress, anger, death; recently I have felt so overwhelmed by these negative things that seem to try and take over my life, perhaps to an extent I've also been ignorant and not accepted the power they can have on your life if you allow them. As of late in the news there have been far too many articles for my comfort about young people tragically dying, due to both self-inflicted and natural causes. No cause of death makes it, for me, any less heart-breaking when you can see the masses of potential that these youngsters had. I think it also hits home pretty hard as I, like many others, am at a cross road in my life where I’m choosing the direction that I want to take, a decision that determines so much, not only for me but potentially for others too. In retrospect I see how self-absorbed I’ve been in my tedious everyday actions, forgetting to actually start living and appreciating each moment I'm gifted with.

I was in a fair amount of shock last night when I hear the news that a 13 year old girl called Talia had died, whose outlook on life had and will continue to teach me so much about what constitutes to real living. She was fighting cancer for 6 years yet she had hundreds of thousands of people subscribed to her on YouTube, and reached out to even more, inspiring so many to be a little happier and worry a little less. She inspired me personally in so many ways and the thing that hurt me the most about hearing of her death is that there was so much that I wanted to continue to learn from her. She accepted her situation, she wasn’t afraid to show how she was feeling and she did what made her truly happy. Need I say much more about this wonderful person? Ellen Degeneres was right when she described her as having an 'old soul'. I believe that she took her life firmly in both hands and ran with it, letting nothing slow her down. At 13 she had achieved more than most do in a lifetime because she was motivated and wasn’t going to let her personal demon, cancer, stand in her way, which would have been a much better excuse then most to not want to fight and achieve as much as they can. 

When I watched her videos it often made me feel so silly about myself because I'd been worrying and letting myself get upset about the most tedious of things yet she was teaching others incredible lessons. For instance, accepting your situation and the truth but not letting it dominate your life and instead highlighting the things that you do like, for her it was through the means of showing her bald head yet wearing makeup and showing off her favourite features of her face. This in itself makes me want to fight, I want to fight against my natural instinct of letting other people and the little voice in my head influence how much I achieve. I have a fair amount of dreams and I feel, even just in honour to Talia, that I should try my hardest to make sure that they come true. Recognise what it is that you want to achieve then run with it, don’t ever look back just keep on going. The second you stop and try to apply conventional logic then may lose the true wild spirit that it takes to achieve the most extravagant of aspirations.

Love, bean xx

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A Genuine Smile

I was on the train making my way to Glasgow and my head was pretty full with irrelevant worries which as the train progressed, through increasingly more beautiful countryside, seemed to gradually slip away. At one moment all I could see was fields which stretched for miles, slightly resembling a patchwork blanket consisting of hundreds of different shades of green. The next minute the train was surrounded by hills, with sparse white dots scattered across them. I think it's safe to say that the bliss scenery was a pretty big factor in helping me get lost away from my thoughts.

However, something much smaller caught my eye throughout the journey. A minor little detail, I may have been the only person to notice, but a woman was sat in the corner just taking in her surroundings yet there was something so pleasant about her. At first I couldn't quite put my finger on what it was about her that captured my attention to such a degree, whatever it was it made me want to just sit down with her over a brew. Yet she was just an ordinary woman. After a while had passed I figured that the part about her that was so inviting it was her most infectious smile. Once I was conscious of it I couldn't then help it, she'd passed on the disease to me. There was no way I couldn't not smile about somebody who just seemed to be so content with life, making everything seem simple. 

She could have been going through something awful, her life could have been the biggest mess imaginable but you'd never have guessed it due to the genuine smile painted across her face. For me, it was inspiring. I couldn't believe the difference it made to my mood almost instantaneously, I was absolutely intrigued by her friendly and calm disposition. It got me thinking what a difference it could make if everybody incorporated that simple gesture into their lives. We have little control over the majority of things in our life, ultimately we just have to go with the flow, but this is something that anybody and everybody can do. 

It's simple and in the grand scheme of things it's probably towards the bottom end of most people's priority list. But we just don't know how it could change somebodies day, like it did to me. And after a while you may even find it turns into a bit of a habit which helps you in creating an overall happier mentality. A genuine smile, who knew something free and so in-elaborate could make such an impact on a person's day.   

Love, bean xx

''Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.''

-Leo Buscaglia 

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Souls

Death puts everything into perspective. It shows us the true meaning of life. I believe the true meaning of life to be love. Love is shown through our souls, nothing to do with out exterior selves and appearance. It speaks beyond our trials and tasks of every day living and represents us as beings which defines who we are beyond the point of death. The best people who have ever walked this earth, of which there have been many, have always shined from the inside out with love and continue to do so after passing.

I have recently been privileged with having a soul connection with a fellow earthling. This means that our relationship and friendship was made out of the purest thing. Love. The body of this soul was physically taken away from me. The signs had been there for days that this was going to happen but they were so subtle that I was blissfully unaware. Which meant that I lived, I lived in the present moment with my friend, which was what was meant to be - it was the universe's intentions. When this body was taken from me physically I thought all was lost. That this connection we had had gone forever. How I was wrong. What the universe quickly informed me of was that a soul connection lives on forever. Love conquers all, including life.

What I had to quickly learn for the first time was that physically we all go and leave this earth as earthlings, but our souls live on forever. How glad I was to be enlightened with this knowledge so soon after the parting of my dear friend, that our bodies do not define us but our souls do. After learning this I have realised that it is essential to let our souls speak for themeselves and let them define who we are whilst on earth. They are the only eternal aspect of who we are. When we are at peace with our souls we can then begin to accept others for who they really are as we have accepted ourselves. This is a connection of souls, and this is how me and my pal became souls mates, we accepted each other because of our spirits and allowed one another to shine, from the inside out.

After realising this suddenly my wails and screams for the return of my friend were meaningless. My friend was, and still is, with me. I realised that the universe had connected our two souls and that I was going to grow with my friend always, whether I liked it or not. I went beyond the grief and feelings of physically losing something dear to my heart and realised that the true gift of this friend hadn't been taken away from me.

I have been blessed with a soul mate. I will physically miss my pal everyday, thinking always of what she would do in each circumstance that I would have experienced with her. But I have no regrets, only occasional feelings of sorrow. No, everything that happens is meant to be. This is why the universe let me be with her till the very end. I was the only earthling to watch the last breaths of this beautiful earthling, the peace she possessed was an image I will carry forever. It changed the meaning of death for me. When an earthling is at peace with their soul it makes death, in essence, a fairly peaceful thing. Her peaceful death was the universe letting me know that she will always be taken care of.

So, how do I react and what do I think if I am not going through the usual definition of grief of loss? I am thankful. Thankful that I had such a great time physically with a fellow earthling on this earth for a fairly substantial amount of time. Thankful that I was able to learn from this earthling and experience the love that she always radiated. But more importantly, thankful that our souls will go on living with each other, nourishing each other always.

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Picking your 'Path'

I could be considered as a moderately lost person at this stage in my life. I live a comfortable life in a nice house and am surrounded by people who care for me, yet I feel like I’m looking for something, something substantial, a part of me which will make my life more 'fulfilling'. In the form of an analogy the best way I can try and describe my current situation is by referring to life being like climbing a mountain. In order to climb the mountain it helps to find a decent path, some paths are steeper and more dangerous yet exciting whereas others are relatively safe and simple, depending on what type of person you are effects which type of path you choose. The point at which I’m at is not even being able to find the right path for me to start climbing. I’m not personally a ‘simple path' type of person because I know there is a route which is much harder but where the views will be so much more satisfactory. How do I know the views are worth it? I have absolutely no idea; instinct I suppose.

''No one saves us but ourselves. No one can and no one may. We ourselves must walk the path.''
-Buddha

Deciding big life choices is you mapping out your next stage of climbing the 'life mountain'. Whether it be what school you should go to or what the right career path is for you, deciding these questions normally begins with a time of self-reflection. A period of time, either un-consciously or fully planned, in which you decide what brings you true joy, the pros and cons and whether the pros outweigh the cons. There comes a point however, when you may just have to take the leap of faith; trust and believe that ‘whatever is meant to be will happen’ and go with your gut. For those people who don’t believe in fate this will be a pretty hard concept to accept, but I think if you don’t trust your instincts then sometimes you’ll just never move forward in life.

“If the problem can be solved why worry? If the problem cannot be solved worrying will do you no good.”
― Śāntideva

One of my biggest inspirations and a person whom I believe to have chosen an exceedingly interesting ‘path’ is Russell Brand. He seems to have carved his life into the most intricate piece of art. His life could be thought of as a fairly abstract piece of art, which is probably why so many have difficulty in understanding him. Perhaps his enthusiastic speeches get lost in translation and mask his true genius for some. But those who appreciate the depth and detail of his character as a work of art will agree with me that he is an inspiration for not leading a necessarily conventional  and conforming life. There are many who define him by his ‘mistakes’, there are tabloids going back years which are a constant and evidential reminder of his addictions and past flamboyant antics. But does a ‘moral relapse’ in one stage of your life really have to constitute in our modern society in earning him the permanent status of being a ‘failure’, constantly being defined by his former actions?

I digress, I believe that with every drug he took and every drink he drunk it was his own journey and his version of climbing up his ‘mountain of life’. And who are we to be the judge and deem whether we believe he should never have partaken in such activities? Ultimately it is those lessons which he learnt that has brought him to such an articulate and profound perception of his understanding of life. I really do believe his life has been like a breath taking work of art, I think he is an exceptional being, something I could only aspire to.

''It's difficult to believe in yourself because the idea of self is an artificial construction. You are, in fact, part of the glorious oneness of the universe. Everything beautiful in the world is within you.''
-Russell Brand

I’m a big believer that ‘life isn’t about the destination it’s about the journey’, so my philosophy is to do what makes you happy in this present moment and try not to dramatically worry about every minor consequence it may have. From one perspective we  could be considered as a collection of our past ‘mistakes’. They are an inevitable part of us which makes us human so learn from them and maybe try to enjoy them from time to time; perfection is an idea which can only really be defined in relative terms to each individual. It is a simple fact that you’ll never know what you like until you try things. Don’t be afraid to explore just because you may get something wrong and make a mistake. And try not to feel you have to necessarily conform and follow everybody up their path to save yourself from making a 'mistake' alone. Trust yourself and your mistakes so that you can go up your path at your own pace and in your own way.

''The one who follows the crowd will usually get no further than the crowd. The one who walks alone, is likely to find himself in places no one has ever been.''
Albert Einstein

 I recently came to the conclusion that if life is impermeable then we can only really trust (and enjoy) this present moment, nothing more and nothing less. Bar that, our life is ultimately a collection of our own memories, so what is so wrong in making the ride a little bit more interesting and entertaining. Ultimately you are the only one that has to live your life. I’m not saying it’s perfectly acceptable that the best idea is to go and be a reckless idiot, following the current popular trend of ‘YOlO’. However, I am saying to consider saying ‘yes’ a little bit more often and trusting yourself that mistakes aren’t the be all and end all. They could possibly be the factor that takes you up a different and more interesting path, the one that leads you to the better view. 

''To avoid situations in which you might make mistakes may be the biggest mistake of all.''

-Peter McWilliams
 
 

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(Please Note: I would want to write the equivalent of a dissertation on Russell Brand  as oppose to a couple of paragraphs but instead he will probably be a running theme throughout the course of my blogs. Check out his website here: http://www.russellbrand.tv/ If you know little about him   I will be talking lots about him. For the time being a  little fact I'll share is that we both do a form of meditation called Transcendental Meditation, he speaks about it  and supports it a lot for the David Lynch Foundation.)