Self Worth, Respect & Love

A series of connections were made in my head earlier on this evening bringing me to a slight revelation of the great importance of self-worth, respect & love. And I got thinking about how surely in order to love anybody else you must possess a certain amount of love for yourself before you are truly able to expose yourself to another being, and I think that having that belief that you are worthy of another person's love can be quite an unnerving thought for some too. 

Last Wednesday Russell Brand made some comments in his show about his past drug addiction, surely this must have stemmed originally from a lack of self-worth in order for him to stoop to such a low, that forced him to form a coping mechanism that fundamentally influenced and altered his behaviour and personality? The annoyance for others of his unfamiliar and perhaps over-bearing behaviour whilst under the influence of these drugs must have been infuriating, something only a person who knew his true inner-self would have the tolerance for. 

I find it quite remarkable thinking of the almighty hurdle it must have been to to wean himself off them whilst still under the influence of the fog like mentality that heroin tends to bring (said not out of experience but an educated guess!). For despite the support that others offered that initial decision and willpower had to come from him personally. He'd have had to address the true issues that were causing him to use the drugs in the first place, changing his view of himself and beginning to see himself worth more that the damage the drugs were doing to him. Russell said that everyday he is faced with that temptation to reform to his old ways, whether the temptation is small or great it's still remains, but for the past decade or so he has never succumbed to the lows of his old self and instead embraces and actively loves the person that he is, something I strongly admire. 

The drugs in this example could be an endless number of other things for it is just the 'symptom' of an under-lying problem, they could be general habits for some or fatal and harmful actions such as the drugs for others. Whether it be drinking, over-eating or perhaps just blocking people out of your life, these are all coping mechanisms which need that exact same sense of compassion and self-worth to refrain from such abuse instead the ability to visualise yourself as worthy of respect. I think when you can love yourself you can then go forth and begin to go on an endless 'journey' of forming healthy and fulfilling relationships. But that leap of faith, exposing yourself to be vulnerable and learning to accept and cherish all the ins and outs of who you are is quite a daunting process, well certainly for me but we can but try! Anyway just some food for thought! 

love, bean xx 

Only touched the surface

I want to quickly tell you of an interesting moment I experienced earlier today. I was in a room that had reddish coloured curtains that were drawn shut, allowing the sunlight to shine through, tinting the colour of the room. As I sat in the room I saw some obvious blue veins on my leg which I’d never noticed before, I then shifted my focus and noticed that bright blue veins were showing up all over my body due to the light. Although I’d always known that there were veins all over my body it was the strangest thing actually seeing them, I felt rather like a picture out of my high school biology textbook.

It got me thinking, in a slightly more metaphorical sense, how many other aspects to myself I haven’t yet seen. I wondered how much there really is to me just under the surface that hasn’t yet been able to come to light, but would given a change of circumstance. These veins keep me alive, they never stop working and I’m covered in them, they’re a truly fundamental part of who I am yet I'd never given them a second thought before. It all sounds very silly, but for me it was fairly symbolic and I learnt a lesson; there are so many aspects to ourselves which we haven’t yet discovered or even acknowledged to be there, both physically and I suppose too within our personality. They showed me that there are endless bounds of self-discovery that I have to do and really I’ve only just touched the surface on getting to know who I am.

love, bean xx